(a big THANK YOU to Tracey Crown of Crown Photography for the photos)
As I look back over the last ten month (9 months of pregnancy and 1 month post) I can't help but be incredibly thankful for the way that everything turned out. It would be an understatement to say that I was/ am super blessed through it all. During those nine months of pregnancy I read anything that I could get my hands on regarding birth, methods, natural births, interventions, etc, all to ensure that I could have the birth that I was hoping for, praying for, seeking and asking for. The birth that I knew God had made me for. The birth that I believed God was in complete control over and that is truly how it went.
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My due date came and went, and so did the next 7 plus days. It had been an extremely cold week and I figured that she was taking her extra sweet time to keep warm. Sunday the 9th rolled around and I was tired of waiting. I did what any woman who was over due by a week would do, try EVERYTHING possible to get our sweet little babe to make her appearance. (Everything besides Castor Oil) An induction was scheduled for the following wednesday and I knew that was the last possible thing that I wanted to have happen. In the early afternoon I decided that it was time for a little dance party to see what we could do to get her to come. A little Just Dance 4 with my sister-in-law and a dance party in the kitchen while my mother-in-law made 'labour cookies' (a recipe that we found on pinterest). Sure enough that seemed to do the trick, whether or not I actually believe that it was those things who knows but contractions seemed to start around 6:30 pm. Not really painful and anywhere between 10-20 mins apart. I still wasn't convinced at that point. Ryan and I left his parents house to get ready for the week to come. The contractions continued to come and I was too excited to sleep. (big mistake. SLEEP IF YOU CAN!!! ) About 11pm I texted Ryan's mom and told her that I thought it was really happening and she came over. My contractions continued all night long getting closer to one another. Although they weren't super painful the 5-1-1 rule came and went and then we hit the 3-1-1 and I figured it was time to go to the hospital. 4:30 ish AM we headed across the street. As we checked in I kept remember thinking that this was happening and that in a matter of hours we would be meeting our precious little girl. Little did I know we still had almost 24 hours of intense labour to get through first. The nurse checked me and I was only dilated 2cm and about 80% effaced. She did tell me however that the head was low and that was that, we packed everything back up and headed home to labour some more. The contractions continued to get stronger continuing to stay 3-1-1 or even closer together. I tried labouring in so many different positions. I took showers and tried to rest focusing on telling my body to open up to let Margaux make her way into the world. I diffused YL Gentle Baby to keep my focus and sniffed YL peppermint for the massive amount of sickness that I was experiencing. Up to this point, to be honest it seems all by the book. At about 1:30ish in the afternoon We made our way back to the hospital as the contractions were very painful at that point. Sure enough, NOTHING had changed. I was feeling pretty defeated when they sent us home the second time. I walked out of the hospital in tears and continued to have a good cry when I got home. I thought this baby was going to never going to come. After i had collected myself together I knew that it was time to focus and press on. I had no idea how much more labour I was going to have to endure but I was constantly reminded that I could do all things through Christ who strengthened me. Just meditating on this verse definitely helped me. The next 5ish hours were kind of a blur to be honest. My contractions became so intense and it seemed like only one position worked for me. Sitting straight up on a couch with my legs closed. Not the best position when you are trying to get your body to open up thats for sure. My doula encouraged me to at least every couple contractions switch positions to one that would allow me to open up and the baby to move down. It was such hard work. I just remember multiple times asking if it was time to go to the hospital yet and no one would give me a clear answer. They were waiting for me to make the decision. Sure enough around 7:30 I thought it was time. My contractions were beyond painful at this point and I truly didn't think they could get any worse. When we got to the hospital they strapped me into the bed to monitor me for 20 minutes. The contractions during that time were so painful because I couldn't get comfortable. I just did my best to breathe through them. When that finished the nurse checked me. 3 cm. head low. DANG. MY heart sank and I asked only one question. "Can I stay?" At that point thats all I was worried about. In my mind, I knew that if I could stay I could make it through this process but if I was sent home again I really didn't know what was going to happen. The nurse said yes and I immediately took a shower. It was probably about a 45 minute shower, all i know is it felt really really good on by back contractions but I was so exhausted. (Little did I know that while I was showering, the nurse came back in and told my husband, mother-in-law and doula that if it were her, she would go back home. That my room was mine but that they considered me not in 'active labour'... let me tell you, i was in freaking active labour and had been for hours. I don't care what anyone says.) When i got out of the shower all I wanted to do was sleep. I hopped up into the hospital bed where for the next few hours had 3 three labour partners switch off putting intense pressure on my hips and butt and then by the grace of God i some how managed to sleep in between contractions.
Let me pause here to give a bit of background to what kind of birth that I was hoping for. NATURAL. plain and simple. I had done so much reading and didn't want anything in my body that was going to take away from what I was made for. Nothing against what anyone else chooses to do but this is how I wanted my birth to go. I wrote up my birth plan made sure that all the doctors knew about it. When i got to the hospital that third time the nurses asked me what kind of birth I wanted and I told them Natural. I asked them not to suggest any pain meds to me and if I felt like I needed something then I would ask.
Back to my contractions, I was to the point now where I was just exhausted. down right exhausted. I had been labouring intensely for more than 24 hours and I decided that I wanted something. Ryan got the nurse and she told me my options. I decided on laughing gas. The quickest to leave the body and doesn't affect the baby. I hated it. It was so much work to suck it in each contractions but it did slightly take the edge off. Just enough to allow me to feel a little bit rested. At some point in time. I am guessing around 11 or something my contractions switched from back labour to front. It was the most intense feeling and so weird. I knew something was changing, progressing perhaps. Also around that time I felt this intense urge to poop. or push. I told Ryan's mom this and she got the nurse to check me. 6 cm dilated. I was making progress, she still felt some of my cervix and a 'large bulge' but also the baby's head. What felt like only 10 minutes or so passing and my body could not just breathe through the contractions any longer. I couldn't help but push. My body wanted to even when I was trying to keep it from doing so. (Our bodies are amazing things and they sure know what to do and when to do and how much to do it.) The nurse came back in and checked me and all she told me was she just felt a little tip of the cervix. About the time she was checking I had a contraction that I couldn't help but push through and sure enough a that 'large bulge' burst and my water broke. A quick check again and I was clear to start pushing as my body was wanting me to.
From that point on, it was a bit of a blur but completely clear at the same time. Pushing brought out my inner voice. Not the deep growns and grunts and moans that they talk about but the screams. Pretty sure thats the only time I raised my voice during labour ( a big pat on my back to myself, i was nervous that I would have a freak out moment on Ryan or something) The doctor showed up and coached me through pushing. All i vividly remember is looking around the room and there was so many people there. Probably like 10+ at least. It didn't really seem to bother me. I felt her coming, the ring of fire (which wasn't too bad), a head full of hair and she was out. I think pushing lasted about a half hour or so. She was perfect. precious. And all ours.
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What a blessing from the Lord for the journey we had been on and were about to embark on. I absolutely could not have done it without Ryan who continually stood by me in every decision I made from beginning to end. He was such an amazing support. Also the biggest thank you to my mother-in-law and doula who did everything to make me feel comfortable and believed in me. I trusted in my body to do what God had created me to do. I trusted in the team around me as well as the doctors and medical staff I had prayed for. Above all, I trusted in our Father. I knew and believed that He was in complete control. He was. He is. He blessed us with beautiful Margaux Ellouise Breker. 7lbs 3oz, 20.5 inches. perfection.
