youth.

So its been a while since I have blogged, it always seems to take that route when life gets the best of me and the busy days get away from me. I am not even sure where to begin other than the fact that this post will be about a passion that is stirring inside of me that I am just beginning to see is truly from the Lord. //// I got asked this summer to be the 'youth coordinator' for lack of a better word for our church's youth group this year or until a youth pastor/ permanent coordinator is hired. My first and honest thought was that I really didn't feel like this was something that I wanted to be a part of this year. For my own selfish reasons I would rather have my friday nights free and wasn't really interested in playing games and trying to come up with fun events to do every week. I feel like at that point, God tenderly tapped me on the shoulder and told me that wasn't how it had to be and that wasn't how it was going to be. A desire stirred in my heart to take on this task. This calling. This ministry, whatever it might be for the time being. I was forced to come face to face with the fact that I didn't and still don't really feel qualified for this position. I had to come face to face with the face that typically, in my opinion this leadership position is made for a man and i am clearly not that. And lastly face to face with the fact that God was calling me to give and lead in this season and i had no idea what that was going to look like and still really don't to be honest. //// Over the last two months, I feel like God has tenderly taken my heart and mind and shaping it to be inline with his, especially for this ministry. Showing me that its not about numbers of students, its not about fun events, its not really even about how many people in the church choose to support me in this but rather its about HIM. Its about His gospel. Its about those young people going deeper in their relationship with Him and truly knowing how much they are loved. How much He loves them. I think that in ministries we can tend to make things fun or have our own agenda and for get the real reason for doing something. Jesus Christ. //// As I have sat here today trying to figure out how its all going to go, what the next few months are going to look like, who will be leading and helping out, etc. God has brought two specific passages to mind. //// Galatians 6:9,10 'And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone...' Philippians 3:14 ' I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.'//// These two passages I have been able to cling to, to really just keep my eyes on Christ and what He is asking me to do. While I am not sure what the future holds with this ministry I trust completely that as I come with open hands and an open heart our God will not disappoint. All for His Glory!

Margaux's birth story

(a big THANK YOU to Tracey Crown of Crown Photography for the photos) As I look back over the last ten month (9 months of pregnancy and 1 month post) I can't help but be incredibly thankful for the way that everything turned out. It would be an understatement to say that I was/ am super blessed through it all. During those nine months of pregnancy I read anything that I could get my hands on regarding birth, methods, natural births, interventions, etc, all to ensure that I could have the birth that I was hoping for, praying for, seeking and asking for. The birth that I knew God had made me for. The birth that I believed God was in complete control over and that is truly how it went. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ My due date came and went, and so did the next 7 plus days. It had been an extremely cold week and I figured that she was taking her extra sweet time to keep warm. Sunday the 9th rolled around and I was tired of waiting. I did what any woman who was over due by a week would do, try EVERYTHING possible to get our sweet little babe to make her appearance. (Everything besides Castor Oil) An induction was scheduled for the following wednesday and I knew that was the last possible thing that I wanted to have happen. In the early afternoon I decided that it was time for a little dance party to see what we could do to get her to come. A little Just Dance 4 with my sister-in-law and a dance party in the kitchen while my mother-in-law made 'labour cookies' (a recipe that we found on pinterest). Sure enough that seemed to do the trick, whether or not I actually believe that it was those things who knows but contractions seemed to start around 6:30 pm. Not really painful and anywhere between 10-20 mins apart. I still wasn't convinced at that point. Ryan and I left his parents house to get ready for the week to come. The contractions continued to come and I was too excited to sleep. (big mistake. SLEEP IF YOU CAN!!! ) About 11pm I texted Ryan's mom and told her that I thought it was really happening and she came over. My contractions continued all night long getting closer to one another. Although they weren't super painful the 5-1-1 rule came and went and then we hit the 3-1-1 and I figured it was time to go to the hospital. 4:30 ish AM we headed across the street. As we checked in I kept remember thinking that this was happening and that in a matter of hours we would be meeting our precious little girl. Little did I know we still had almost 24 hours of intense labour to get through first. The nurse checked me and I was only dilated 2cm and about 80% effaced. She did tell me however that the head was low and that was that, we packed everything back up and headed home to labour some more. The contractions continued to get stronger continuing to stay 3-1-1 or even closer together. I tried labouring in so many different positions. I took showers and tried to rest focusing on telling my body to open up to let Margaux make her way into the world. I diffused YL Gentle Baby to keep my focus and sniffed YL peppermint for the massive amount of sickness that I was experiencing. Up to this point, to be honest it seems all by the book. At about 1:30ish in the afternoon We made our way back to the hospital as the contractions were very painful at that point. Sure enough, NOTHING had changed. I was feeling pretty defeated when they sent us home the second time. I walked out of the hospital in tears and continued to have a good cry when I got home. I thought this baby was going to never going to come. After i had collected myself together I knew that it was time to focus and press on. I had no idea how much more labour I was going to have to endure but I was constantly reminded that I could do all things through Christ who strengthened me. Just meditating on this verse definitely helped me. The next 5ish hours were kind of a blur to be honest. My contractions became so intense and it seemed like only one position worked for me. Sitting straight up on a couch with my legs closed. Not the best position when you are trying to get your body to open up thats for sure. My doula encouraged me to at least every couple contractions switch positions to one that would allow me to open up and the baby to move down. It was such hard work. I just remember multiple times asking if it was time to go to the hospital yet and no one would give me a clear answer. They were waiting for me to make the decision. Sure enough around 7:30 I thought it was time. My contractions were beyond painful at this point and I truly didn't think they could get any worse. When we got to the hospital they strapped me into the bed to monitor me for 20 minutes. The contractions during that time were so painful because I couldn't get comfortable. I just did my best to breathe through them. When that finished the nurse checked me. 3 cm. head low. DANG. MY heart sank and I asked only one question. "Can I stay?" At that point thats all I was worried about. In my mind, I knew that if I could stay I could make it through this process but if I was sent home again I really didn't know what was going to happen. The nurse said yes and I immediately took a shower. It was probably about a 45 minute shower, all i know is it felt really really good on by back contractions but I was so exhausted. (Little did I know that while I was showering, the nurse came back in and told my husband, mother-in-law and doula that if it were her, she would go back home. That my room was mine but that they considered me not in 'active labour'... let me tell you, i was in freaking active labour and had been for hours. I don't care what anyone says.) When i got out of the shower all I wanted to do was sleep. I hopped up into the hospital bed where for the next few hours had 3 three labour partners switch off putting intense pressure on my hips and butt and then by the grace of God i some how managed to sleep in between contractions. Let me pause here to give a bit of background to what kind of birth that I was hoping for. NATURAL. plain and simple. I had done so much reading and didn't want anything in my body that was going to take away from what I was made for. Nothing against what anyone else chooses to do but this is how I wanted my birth to go. I wrote up my birth plan made sure that all the doctors knew about it. When i got to the hospital that third time the nurses asked me what kind of birth I wanted and I told them Natural. I asked them not to suggest any pain meds to me and if I felt like I needed something then I would ask. Back to my contractions, I was to the point now where I was just exhausted. down right exhausted. I had been labouring intensely for more than 24 hours and I decided that I wanted something. Ryan got the nurse and she told me my options. I decided on laughing gas. The quickest to leave the body and doesn't affect the baby. I hated it. It was so much work to suck it in each contractions but it did slightly take the edge off. Just enough to allow me to feel a little bit rested. At some point in time. I am guessing around 11 or something my contractions switched from back labour to front. It was the most intense feeling and so weird. I knew something was changing, progressing perhaps. Also around that time I felt this intense urge to poop. or push. I told Ryan's mom this and she got the nurse to check me. 6 cm dilated. I was making progress, she still felt some of my cervix and a 'large bulge' but also the baby's head. What felt like only 10 minutes or so passing and my body could not just breathe through the contractions any longer. I couldn't help but push. My body wanted to even when I was trying to keep it from doing so. (Our bodies are amazing things and they sure know what to do and when to do and how much to do it.) The nurse came back in and checked me and all she told me was she just felt a little tip of the cervix. About the time she was checking I had a contraction that I couldn't help but push through and sure enough a that 'large bulge' burst and my water broke. A quick check again and I was clear to start pushing as my body was wanting me to. From that point on, it was a bit of a blur but completely clear at the same time. Pushing brought out my inner voice. Not the deep growns and grunts and moans that they talk about but the screams. Pretty sure thats the only time I raised my voice during labour ( a big pat on my back to myself, i was nervous that I would have a freak out moment on Ryan or something) The doctor showed up and coached me through pushing. All i vividly remember is looking around the room and there was so many people there. Probably like 10+ at least. It didn't really seem to bother me. I felt her coming, the ring of fire (which wasn't too bad), a head full of hair and she was out. I think pushing lasted about a half hour or so. She was perfect. precious. And all ours. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ What a blessing from the Lord for the journey we had been on and were about to embark on. I absolutely could not have done it without Ryan who continually stood by me in every decision I made from beginning to end. He was such an amazing support. Also the biggest thank you to my mother-in-law and doula who did everything to make me feel comfortable and believed in me. I trusted in my body to do what God had created me to do. I trusted in the team around me as well as the doctors and medical staff I had prayed for. Above all, I trusted in our Father. I knew and believed that He was in complete control. He was. He is. He blessed us with beautiful Margaux Ellouise Breker. 7lbs 3oz, 20.5 inches. perfection.

29 week update.

How far along? 29 weeks Total weight gain: Somewhere around 20 something pounds...that seems like so much when typing it out but I believe that I am right on track. Maternity clothes? Still wearing mostly my normal clothes thanks to a belly belt and some amazing tanks that have to side seems and seem to stretch like crazy. I do have some teeshirts and a few maternity dresses that often seem to be more comfortable. Stretch marks? None yet but i am sure as this little one continues to grow they will show up soon...but maybe ill get lucky ;) Sleep: My sleep patterns have definitely changed. I feel like I used to be the type of person that could sleep through anything, now i wake up really easily. Typically I go to sleep late, much later than Ry and then when his alarm goes off at 5:20 I am up for at least an hour, I force myself to stay in bed and fall back asleep for a few more hours. I know those few extra hours are just what I need to keep my energy levels up. Best moment this week: Having the lady at the bank recognize me as the 'cute petite pregnant girl' at my husbands work Christmas party. That or starting prenatal yoga at home. I am loving it so far. Worst moment this week: Tuesday when I hadn't felt Margaux move very much through the day. Went from her being crazy active to super silent. Gave me and Ry a little scare but all is well and she was back to moving around like crazy when I got in bed. Miss anything? It seems like I am always missing a hearty dark stout or porter these days. (My first request when that little one is here.) Movement: SO much movement! She is such a little wiggle worm, I have a feeling that its going to be a common thing for years to come. Both Ryan and I have a hard time sitting still. Food cravings: No food cravings this week but still can't get enough of cheese. I love it. Also pepperoncini. Anything making you queasy or sick: nothing these days. Gender: GIRL! Labor signs: None Symptoms: I have felt pretty good this week health wise. I feel like this is the question that I get asked most often. Its hard because I almost feel guilty for saying that I feel good...or that by saying 'i'm feeling great,' then not feeling great is just around the corner or something. I am gonna soak up the feeling good though. Belly button in or out? In but going a little flat, not sure if it will actually 'pop' or not. Happy or moody most of the time? Definitely more happy than anything else. Being so blessed, I don't have a reason not to be happy...although I do have my moments of irritation...Sorry Ryan. ;) Looking forward to: Christmas, spending time with Ryan's amazing family and just relaxing before we jump into the new year and life changes. Bump:

Yays and Nays take two.

So todays blog is a little bit different, while they are still nays and yays it has just been a major learning situation for me lately. Nay- They other day as I was at the drive through, these three girls came to the window, they started giggling as they drove up and i politely handed them their stuff and took their money, as I was doing so, one of the girls asked me if i was 'religious?' (I rather hate that question because i feel like its an awkward question to answer) but non the less, I told her that "I was a Christian and i went to church so i guess the answer would be yes" I then asked her why, secretly hoping it was because she was too... I love meeting other Christians especially when it seems like there is none. Instead she replied, in a way that actually kinda stung..."Well your name is Noel so you must be religious." All three of the girls cracked up like it was the funniest thing in the world and drove off. I spent the next hour of my time analyzing the situation, its funny how a range of emotions came over me. I was stunned, did I actually get made fun of? I was slightly upset, confused and a little hurt. I know it doesnt seem like that big of a deal but i realize just a little bit more the need for respect and kindness in our world. Especially our generations. Parents teach your kids respect and kindness, be examples for them and dont let them be overtaken by the world. No one should ever be made to feel like they are less of a person because of where they work, how they dress, what they look like, talk like or live like. As Christians we are the body and we are to give life. On a much lighter note. Yay- Getting to work with foreign workers is one of the most amazing things. They are seriously some of the kindest, hardworking people I have ever met. I know that this was one of my Yays last time but I want to elaborate a little bit more. I want to tell you about Gema, one of the Filipino ladies that I work with, she is probably in her late thirties, and she has been in Canada for 4 years. That is 4 years away from her two kids who are about to graduate high school and elementary and 4 years away from her husband. And the only reason she is here is to make money for them to send back so that they may have a better future and education then she did. If you ask me that is pretty amazing. Pretty selfless and quite an example that we can all learn from. To be perfectly honest, I would have a really hard time even being in the USA away from Ryan right now. I am amazed by her gentleness and desire to meet her families needs the best way that she knows how. I commend her for her hard work and constant smile even when she is over worked and under paid. Yay to Gema today!!!!! Let me leave you with a challenge to speak life into someones life today not death and may I also challenge you to work for something more than the dollar sign.

Yays & Nays of Today!

So I decided that I am going to start this new thing on my blog about work. I have recently moved to Canada with Ryan as most of you know and through a blessing situation I was able to acquire a job at Tim Hortons. If you are the American that I know that most of you are then you might not be sure of what Tim Hortons is, Here is a link to the website. I like to think of it as a cross between American Mcdonalds/Dunkin Donuts & Starbucks. Whatever the case may be, I am at a continual constant surrender to let God lead my life through this one. I am a 25 years old married woman, a college graduate with a bachelors of science in merchandising as well as two associates degrees in business, as well as being well travelled and educated with the ways of the world right? One would think that I am a little bit 'above' fast food right? That its something that I am 'too good' for. At times yes I do feel that way, but I am very humbled in the fact that I was able to come and be with my husband and that I actually do have a job. Whatever that job may be at this point. I realize that God has called us to work hard and to Him be the glory. So that is where I am at. Okay now back to the blog, working at TH I realize that I see a lot of people on a daily basis, sometimes my heart can be quite irriated with the lack of respect that I receive, So i decided that I am going to do the Yays and Nays of the day from work. I have been telling Ryan about them when I come home and some of them are quite great, interesting and I really hope lead people to not make the same mistakes so here goes, a few from the last few weeks. Yays: -paying for the customer behind you in the drive through, even when you find out they have 4 coffees and a $25 dollar Tim Card Reload -leaving a 6 dollar tip when I realized that I charged you for 4 xl coffees when you really wanted 1 with 4 sugars and I kindly fixed the mistake and gave you your money back. -working with foreign workers ( they are the hardest working people I have ever met) Nays: -smoking in your car while you are in the drive thru, its rude, and I really dont want to have smoke blown in my face. (not to mention your kids in the car dont want smoke blown in their faces either) -being on the phone while I am trying to take your money and give you your food. Please be kind and restrain from chatting for just the 1.5 minutes that you are at the window. (plus its illegal to talk on the phone and drive anyways) - not making any eye contact with me while I am trying to take your money and handing you your food, instead you are too busy talking to the people in your car to even acknowledge that I am providing you with the things that keep you going for the day. Well those are the few for today. Its off to work I go. (Just know that these truly are in great fun, and please see my heart in them people.) The people that are serving you food are still people too, so respect them as you want to be respected!

husband.wife.

Today I would like to recognize the man that I married just two months ago. Its crazy how fast life flies by and how easy it is to take advantage of the little day to day things, especially in marriage. They say that you wont really know what you have until you lost it, or that distance really makes the heart grow fonder. I believe this to be really true. Even just a day without my husband which will lead to the next three weeks without him I have realized that he truly is my best friend. He is the one that completes me, challenges me and compliments me. I can't help but thank the Lord for putting my dashing husband in my life just a year and a half ago in Taiwan. I look forward to the years and adventures to come with this man.

new home. new start. just the beginning.

I decided since I have been pretty MIA for the last month that I would give a short little update about life. Time sure does fly and its amazing to think that I have been married for just over a month and also living for the majority of time in the beautiful country of Canada! Boy, am I blessed. This doesnt mean that life has always been easy. The last month, while it has been amazing, it has been quite hard being away from my amazing friends and family. Its been interesting trying to find a routine in life but I know that this is exactly where God wants me, wants us right now. To keep this short and sweet for today, I figured I would just update you on our little basement apartment that is becoming more and more like a home on daily basis. I just got done painting the kitchen wall with chalkboard paint and I cant wait to put up our 'Let Love Brew' sign from the wedding and turn that into one MASSIVE prayer wall. Send me your prayers people!!! :) (This will be featured on the blog soon!) Well here ya go. Enjoy the rest of your Wednesday. More blogs, and pictures of life to come. Its going to be a regular thing, its about time, now that I am a wife and all!

New curtains.

Ryan's awesome 'bar'

little details.

Grandma's hair pins box.

Reusing wedding decor.